Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

It’s not about the guns, it’s all about the parenting

June 19, 2015

Another day, another mass shooting in the US. Add Charleston to the list. Another public lamentation from Barack Obama. Blame the NRA. Blame “gun culture”. Blame the politicians. Blame the political system. Blame the guns.

I am not a social psychologist busy faking data for my next paper and my next television appearance. But I do consider myself a student of human behaviour. One thing that is certain and common about these mass killers, whether in the US or in the Middle East or in Mexico, is that all the killers have been behaviourally “primed”. The priming can be called corruption or radicalisation or perversion or brain-washing or imprinting, but it is always the creation of a state of mind which leads to a particular behaviour.

It is not (primarily) about the killers’ genetic make-ups. It is not about the guns. It is about behaviour. And the behaviour is (primarily) a consequence of nurture not nature. It is about the bringing-up of children and young people who do not reach mental maturity till they are 25. It is about the behaviour of young humans whose critical abilities and ability to make judgements continues to develop long after their teenage years. It is about parenting in the main. It is about societies which allow parents to abandon their responsibilities (and their liabilities) before the pre-frontal cortex of their children and their consequent ability to exercise judgement has been fully developed.

So when I hear about radicalised teenagers running off to ISIS or a 21 year-old massacring people in a church in Charleston, I don’t blame the guns. I blame the parents who leave vacuums to be filled by radical preachers. I blame parents who have inculcated in their children the view that killing some particular group of people is not just acceptable, but desirable.

I blame the killers first. But then I blame their parents who brought them up, and third, the societies which encourage these parents to cease parenting early. I blame “children’s rights” movements which argue for allowing greater autonomy and giving more “power” to children whose judgement and critical abilities are very far from fully developed. Where inculcating discipline in children is considered oppressive, where parents are given the right to brainwash their children into any religion they choose but have no duty to develop any sense of morals or ethics. Where parents abrogate their responsibilities to teachers or the State and where teachers are hamstrung by regulations.

It’s not about the guns. It’s all about behaviour. It’s all about the parenting. Even if there is a small genetic component, it is still about the parents.

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A hierarchy of parents

November 11, 2014

Adoption, abortion and IVF or surrogacy followed by adoption are all regulated mainly from the needs and desires of the prospective parents. Abortion is almost on demand. Gay couples exploit surrogacy possibilities to acquire children on demand. Adoption of orphans or abandoned children is supposed to be based on the best interests of the child but the child rarely gets the chance to choose.

But what if a child could choose its parents ………

Assume that wealth is just a qualifying criteria and does not dominate or corrupt the regulations. Assume further that unstable individuals, paedophiles, sexual predators and unstable relationships have magically been excluded. Let us take for granted that all individuals have qualified by passing a basic “parenting competence” test. (And why isn’t parenting competence a subject that is taught?)

How then would a child choose its parents?

My perception of a child’s preferences:

Category 1 – Preferred

  1. Biological mother and biological father

Category 2 – Acceptable

  1. Biological mother and step-father
  2. Biological father and step-mother
  3. Unrelated heterosexual couple

Category 3 – Conditionally Acceptable

  1. Single mother (biological)
  2. Single father (biological)
  3. Biological mother and lesbian partner (girl-child only)
  4. Biological father and gay partner (boy-child only)
  5. Unrelated lesbian couple (girl child only)
  6. Unrelated gay couple (boy-child only)

Category 4 – Disallowed

  1. Single unrelated mother
  2. Single unrelated father
  3. Biological mother and lesbian partner for a boy-child
  4. Biological father and gay partner for a girl-child
  5. Unrelated lesbian couple for a boy-child
  6. Unrelated gay couple for a girl-child

Given a choice and everything else being equal, no child – I think – would prefer anything other than having its biological father and mother as its parents.

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ADHD or just bad parenting?

July 11, 2014

We are on a trip and staying at a hotel known for being very “child-friendly”.

I have forgotten how boisterous our kids were when they were 8-10 years old. But the disruption caused by a few kids at breakfast today got me wondering where the line between “letting children be children” and the responsibility of parents lies. It does seem to me that claiming that a child has ADHD is too often used as an excuse for bad parenting.

If ADHD is a “disease” – and I am not convinced that it is – then it is either due to genetics or it is inculcated after birth by the quality of nurture provided or by both. Whether nature or nurture it is caused by the parents. If ADHD is not a disease but merely “learned” behaviour – or more likely “untaught” behaviour- then it is the quality  of parenting which comes into question.  It is only if it is a purely genetic disease, where nurture plays no part, and parents can no longer have any influence that it makes sense to try and medicate the condition away.

Maybe I am just too suspicious about the pharmaceutical industry. But I remain convinced that many “diseases” are invented to find a use for compounds created by the industry. And these compounds are often the result of failed research which was seeking other solutions. Marketing strategy 101 is all about finding the question for which you have an available answer.

But for the two rowdy, noisy, clumsy, messy kids at breakfast today, It was just simple bad parenting which was letting their kids down!!

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Older Dads have sicker children

February 27, 2014

There is – it seems – an optimal child bearing age for fathers as well as mothers. Older fathers may be richer and more able to support a child but there is an increased risk to the health of their children.

A study by Indiana University, in the US, and Sweden’s Karolinska Institute is the largest and one of the best designed studies on the issue and suggests that mutated sperm with older fathers are the cause.

Seems very plausible.

Brian M. D’Onofrio, Martin E. Rickert, Emma Frans, Ralf Kuja-Halkola, Catarina Almqvist, Arvid Sjölander, Henrik Larsson and Paul Lichtenstein Paternal Age at Childbearing and Offspring Psychiatric and Academic Morbidity, JAMA Psychiatry, doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.4525

BBC reports: 

A wide range of disorders and problems in school-age children have been linked to delayed fatherhood in a major study involving millions of people.

Increased rates of autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, suicide attempts and substance abuse problems were all reported. …….

…. The researchers looked at 2.6 million people and at the difference between siblings born to the same father as it accounts for differences in upbringing between families.

Comparing children of a 45-year-old dad to those of a 24-year-old father it indicated:

  • autism was more than three times as likely
  • a 13-fold increased risk of ADHD
  • double the risk of a psychotic disorder
  • 25 times more likely to have bipolar disorder
  • 2.5 times more likely to have suicidal behaviour or problems with drugs
  • lower scores at school

There was no starting point after which the risk started to increase, rather any increase in age had an associated increase in risk.

….. One of the researchers, Dr Brian D’Onofrio, said he was shocked by the findings, which suggested a higher risk than previously estimated. He told the BBC: “The implications of the study is that delaying childbearing is also associated with increased risk for psychiatric and academic problems in the offspring. The study adds to a growing body of research, that suggests families, doctors, and society as a whole must consider both the pros and cons of delaying childbearing.”

The social trend for both parents to have children later in life thus seems to have repercussions for the children. Though the risk may be small it could be said that this a social trend which weakens the health and reduces the well-being of succeeding generations. The demographic effect is that the incidence of psychoses will increase. While having children later may allow a maximisation of the economic contributions of the parents to society, it could also lead to increased medical costs for the affected children in the following generations. Genetic screening and abortion could of course mitigate some of the long term consequences for the evolution of humans.

It could be that we are moving towards greater promiscuity during the “best” child-bearing years but without the production of children due to the availability of contraception. Child bearing itself is then postponed to a more economically suitable time of life for the parents, but a less than optimal time for the health of the children so conceived. Apart from genetic screening of foetuses and abortion of some there does not seem to be a “natural” self-correcting mechanism for this social trend.

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