Posts Tagged ‘Limerick’

I am but a prisoner of my genes

January 20, 2014

I’d like to fly but but my genes don’t agree

And they determine how tall I will be,

I am but a lowly prisoner of my genes,

My apparent freedom is not quite what it seems.

But thanks to my genes I’m not a chimpanzee.

All abnormal behaviour is illness, says DSM-five,

Just following precisely what our genes do contrive.

Our genomes hold us tightly captive,

As slaves in their battle to survive,

So it matters not how much we strive.

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When gender equality denies gender difference – limericks (6)

December 28, 2013

1. Sometimes, the “fight” for gender equality gets more than a little ridiculous when it denies gender difference. 

“Gender Equality” is the battle-cry that’s heard,

But just what that means can be a little bit blurred.

Must each and every known profession,

Comprise equally of men and women?

But fathers giving birth is just a little bit absurd.

2. In Sweden, “hen” is proposed by the politically-correct, gender-equalisers as a neutral form between “han” (him) and “hon” (her).

A politically correct young lady from Sweden,

Insisted on being referred to as a “hen”,

She objected strenuously to “she”,

and quite violently to “he”,

Which caused consternation among her young men.

3. Still in Sweden, poor Zlatan Ibrahimovic got into hot water for stating the blindingly obvious that it was more than a little idiotic to compare his game with that of a lady footballer. But – and especially in Sweden – political correctness has become a matter of faith and is often quite unconcerned with reality.

Zlatan the Viking footballer,

Took umbrage when an idiot reporter,

Compared him to a “hen”,

Who kicked a ball now and then,

And Ibrahim-ovic refused to idolise her.

4. In the UK, Thomas the tank engine is under attack from Mary Creagh. She seems rather a silly person – but she was probably only after the publicity.

A cross Labour MP of feminist gender,

More female train drivers would engender,

She demanded the State’s intervention,

To curb the masculinity of Thomas the tank engine,

And required that the “him” be changed into a “her”!

5. At Wimbledon, women now have the same prize money as the men, but they work far fewer hours and play even less. The ladies champion now has an hourly rate about 60% higher than the men’s champion.

Gender equality at Wimbledon has gone a little bit funny,

The men and the women get the same prize money,

But being of the much weaker sex,

The women play just the best of 3 sets,

And the men will be unable to reverse this calumny

6. And all over the world “quotas” for women/minorities/scheduled castes/disabled in various professions are proposed. But fighting discrimination with discrimination only legitimises discrimination.

Oppressing minorities is unacceptable persecution,

But discrimination to fight discrimination is still discrimination.

And if percentage of the population,

Is to be mirrored in every profession,

Competence must be ignored to follow some blind equation.

‘Tis the day after Christmas – Limericks (5)

December 26, 2013

‘Tis the day after Christmas and we have had no snow,

Erdogan in Turkey has suffered another blow,

Against China, Shinzo Abe tries to draw a line,

As in full tie and ‘tails he visits the Yakasuni shrine,

And down under at the MCG, England are 173 for four.

‘Tis the day after Christmas and it is time to end the mirth,

The Queen said very little beyond Prince George’s birth,

Obama basks in Hawaii in this time of austerity,

And in his annual Christmas speech, he called for charity

The Kiwis and the Windies, in Auckland, are battling to the death.

‘Tis the day after Christmas but I am not depressed,

One day older every day but much new to be addressed,

Misery and mayhem everywhere and so very antagonistic,

And yet I have no problem in staying optimistic,

Two more out at the MCG, and England are distressed

Dies Natalis Solis Invicti MMXIII

December 24, 2013

It is my conviction (which is more than belief and somewhat less than science) that man is – and for the foreseeable future will be – incapable of overpowering the Sun. On any scale related to human capability it is Sol Invictus which applies. And the birthday of the Sun some 4.5 billion years ago was being celebrated long before it was  hijacked by Christianity around 354 AD. And one day the sun will die and we will have moved on (or we will have perished).

Just imagine, if you possibly can, a Sun devoid of its light,

No semblance of day and no trace of any night,

But there are those, like Icarus, who are still very naive,

Who in their arrogance, and at their peril, continue to believe,

That trivialising the Sun’s power is perfectly alright.

Greetings on the day of the birth of the Invincible Sun, 25th December 2013

Optimus optat novus annus MMXIV

Sol Invictus 2013

The Fall of Icarus

The night before Christmas – comments by limerick (4)

December 24, 2013

In the year twenty thirteen,

1. Christmas Spirit (the glass half-empty) 

‘Twas the night before Christmas in the year twenty thirteen, 

Fanatics killed fanatics and the Holy Land was unclean. 

Tribes warred with other tribes in deepest Africa,

While mayhem reigned in Syria between the Sunni and the Shia,

But, ’twas the night before Christmas and no gods dared be seen. 

2. On Putin the Merciful

Putin the Merciful is now in full flow,

The Arctic 30, Khodorkovsky and Pussy Riot has he let go.

The Games in Sotchi are just 6 weeks away,

And he badly needs visitors who are willing to pay,

But most important of all, he is praying for snow.

3. On Democracy and science

Popular democracy is now the flavour of the day,

Decisions by consensus have a preemptive right of way, 

What is right or what is true is of little relevance, 

When a majority in favour can always trump the evidence, 

And minorities must assent if they are to join the play.

4. On the Alarmist Creed

Mankind, it should be apparent is hurtling downhill,

Blind consumerism is Evil and Man must pay the bill,

We eat far too much and we breed all too fast,

The earth’s puny fuel reserves cannot possibly last,

If Warming doesn’t get them, Global Cooling will.

5. On Forms of Marriage

In Christian heaven, marriages are made monogamous,

Under Islamic enlightenment they can even be polygamous,

But with the advent of Human Rights, 

Gay abandon governs now our delights,

And monogamy and polygamy are joined by mano-on-mano-mous.

6. Christmas Spirit (the glass half-full)

‘Twas the night before Christmas in the year twenty thirteen, 

More people were being fed than ever there had been. 

Longevity worldwide was steadily increasing,

While population growth was checked and soon to be declining,

‘Twas the night before Christmas and a future could be foreseen. 

Comments by limerick (3)

December 23, 2013

A reader suggested that I was being unfair in not having addressed Berlusconi and Sonia Gandhi.

So here goes.

First separately and then together.

1.

Sylvio Berlusconi of bunga bunga renown,

Sought to emulate Mussolini and his shirts of brown,

But he had never in his dreams expected,

Of debauchery and tax fraud to be convicted,

And the loss of his passport has raised a nasty frown.

2

Sonia Gandhi – no relation to the Mahatma –

Would perpetuate the legacy of the Nehru atma,

But she overlooked Rahul’s lack of intelligence,

Which together with a reputation for arrogance,

Means she now wishes she had bet on Priyanka.

3.

Sonia is Indian by marriage of Italian descent,

While Sylvio is Italian of questionable ascent,

But they are both extremely wealthy,

Resulting from means fairly stealthy,

And those that follow are left to lament.

Comments by limerick (2)

December 23, 2013

A family function led to some “scandalous” limericks being written about other family members (who were not present of course). It soon became obvious that putting together the rhymes – even with very free rhyming – and keeping the overall theme intact was not as easy as it seemed.

Finishing a limerick is eminently satisfying and these are written entirely for myself with no particular audience in mind.

1.

Vladimir Putin the Tsar of all Russia,

Fancied himself the Peacemaker of Syria,

But he had not anticipated,

That European policy was constipated,

And the winner of all Syria is now Al Qaida

2

Marks and Spencer, the epitomy of Britishness,

Decided to cow down to political correctness,

“Sensitive” muslims employed to work,

Need no longer serve customers with alcohol and pork,

Leading to ridicule for the iconic M’en’ess.

3.

George Walker Bush, he of Iraq in-fame,

In 2003 claimed the end of the game,

But as has now become bloody obvious,

He achieved nothing to any purpose,

And then in Afghanistan, Cameron did the same

4.

Barack Obama – he of questionable birth,

Pushed insurance for all, for all he was worth,

But incompetence and foolishness were rife,

As his web site caused confusion and strife

And his poster policy became an object of mirth.

5.

Francois Hollande, a rabid die-hard socialist,

Was chosen by the French to replace Sarkozy the chauvinist,

But he had no money for the war,

He waged in Mali and now in CAR.

And is now begging for a fund from capitalists.

Global warming – Comments by limerick (1)

December 20, 2013

A mediocre, plump academic named Mann,

Devised a lucrative and cunning plan;

By means of a very Nature trick,

He fabricated a hockey stick;

But global cooling made him an also-ran.

The sun came up, the sun went down,

Global warming could not be found,

Where could it be – the missing heat?

Why in the oceans  – Oh so deep,

But the travesty made Trenberth frown

Ice-ages come and ice-ages go,

And when they come the seas lie low;

“Calamity” cried Hansen in his doom-sayer guise,

“By over 20 feet the seas shall rise”,

But then came the blizzards, ice and snow.

In the hallowed temples of the IPCC,

Carboniferous fuels the devil be,

But for 17 years have temperatures stalled

While coal combustion has not paused,

And the world now sees their idiocy.


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